Helping your child to feel part of the pregnancy

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By Kyra Karmiloff & Professor Annette Karmiloff-Smith

Now that you have told your child about the pregnancy, you're probably keen to encourage her interest in her future brother or sister. But what can you do to help your child share your experience of the pregnancy? The first step is to help her see the baby as a real little person who is already responding to the outside world. A common belief amongst toddlers is that the baby inside can hear or even see through the mother's belly button! Although of course there is no truth in this, the foetus does nevertheless share many of the mother's experiences. Voices ? yours as well as those speaking near you - and other sounds, penetrate your baby's liquid world. What you are feeling affects the hormone levels in his blood, and even what you eat, to some extent, is shared by the little one inside you. You can use these fascinating facts to bring the pregnancy alive for your toddler.

In order to involve your child positively in the pregnancy, you can use this type of knowledge to make her feel closer to the little person growing inside you. Try to initiate early "interactions" between the two and tell her that the baby is already getting know her by listening to her voice. Choose a regular time each day when you are relaxing with your toddler, and encourage her to speak to or even sing close to your belly. Let her rest her head on you and enjoy communicating with the baby. Repeat the routine daily, encouraging your child to choose the same song or rhyme each time, and let her feel the baby's movements in response. During the months leading to the birth, your baby will learn to recognise the sound of both your toddler's voice and her little song and, once born, he may even respond when he hears them, either by becoming excited and kicking his legs, or by being calmed and soothed by the familiar sounds. This is a great way to start the bonding process between the soon-to-be siblings.

There are other examples that you can also use to promote the idea of the baby as an already active participant member of the family. Research has shown that sound isn't the only thing to penetrate the womb. Your unborn baby is sensitive to changing tastes too, for instance when you consume a strong flavour that alters the sweetness of the amniotic liquid. So, next time the family is sharing a meal, explain to your toddler that little baby inside is tasting it too. Show her a simple picture of how food passes from you through the umbilical cord to the baby. Make her laugh by imitating how baby might screw up his nose if mummy eats too much garlic. And when it's time for bed, remind your child again that baby is listening to the bedtime story and, like her, getting sleepy and ready to have sweet dreams.

Make the experience of waiting for the baby's arrival as joyful and full of fun as you can. Let your child help you get the nursery ready, encourage her to choose certain items so that she feels she has had real input in the preparations. And if she has any questions about the baby or the pregnancy, answer her with simple, direct information and plenty of reassurance.

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